Don't forget the sarcasm.. the endless sarcasm

2009-07-16T08:12:00.001-07:00

UP Professors' Quotable Quotes

1. "The aim of policy making is to invoke
action! Because action speaks louder
than words! You do not just say I love
you. You say: If you love me, enter
me! " -Dr. Alfonso Pacquing

2. "Class, next week na lang ung result sa
exam nyo. I am having a hard time
checking it. I will seek first the
divine guidance on what to do about it.
Class dont worry about your grade. Let
me worry about it." Sir de jesus,envi sci 1

3. (valentines day)

"Ano ba yan? Students ba kayo ng UP?
Bakit ang bababa ng scores niyo?
Siguro wala kayong date ngayong
valentines kaya ganito kayo. Losers!!!
When i was your age i had a date. Hindi
ba naapektuhan ng UP FAIR
euphoria ng grades niyo? Parang di
kayo masaya..."
(sabay matching tapon ng quizzes sa
sahig)
"I won't record this. Go find a date."
(sabay walk out.) -Sir Doliente,BA.

4. Ma'am: Many people believe that we,
psychology graduates can read minds...
(silence) Actually, we can.
Class: Weh.. Sample..
Ma'am: Right now, you think that I'm
bluffin -Ma'am Chei Billedo, Psych

5. "I don't give surprise long exams. all
exams are announced. Halimbawa,
Class, mageexam tayo, NGAYON NA!" -Ma'am Chei

6. "The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala
kayong kasaysayan lahat. Pag may
kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG
KA
LANG!!! -Dr. Recio

7. "Oo, nagpapaulan ako ng uno... baket?
aanhin ko ba nun? di naman ako
yayaman dun." -Sir Atoy Navarro, histo I

8. (commenting on a thesis of a senior
student)
'Yang thesis mo? .. Mamamatay ka!!
Mamamatay ka!!' - Dr. llanes, UPM.

9. "Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube.
Kaya kung gusto niyong magka-anak
ng asawa niyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo
habang gumagawa." -Ma'am Meggie, Zoo 10

10. "Last sem was the first time that I
gave a grade of 5, and it felt good!!!"
Prof Goldie, Comm II, circa 1998, first
day of class

nung freshie ako:
atheist ako, pero pag nasa bahay, nagro rosary kami ng Nanay ko, eh kung magalit sa kin yun.
--Socio 11 Prof

"you do not fall in love; you rise in love. That's how you love rationally." --Dr. FG david

"Try to die! Try to die!" - sir billones, on a student who is palpitating while taking the exam. He claims that after incident refreshed na lagi yung estudyante. If I know, pag naaalala ng estudyanteng yun yung moment na yun, kaya siya laging refreshed, kasi natatawa siya pag naaalala niya iyon.

"Anong molars? You don't say molars because it is an adjective! Do you say beautifuls?" - ma'am ilao, to a student who said "n molars"

"Kahit magpakamatay ka pa di mo masasagot yang problem set na yan dahil pang-157 (phy chem II) yan!" - ibid

"Do not memorize! Analyze!" - doc nic, advising us, her students never to memorize reaction mechanisms

"Kaya nga ideal eh, hindi siya nangyayari sa totoong buhay. Pero an approximation is good enough" - sir engle, on ideal and real systems

"Don't take the BAR and yourselves too seriously. baka mabalitaan nalang namin na nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves, relax, and read at least 15 hours a day. Nakakabobo ang sobrang tulog. MAg relax ka habang nagbabasa. Magrelax habang nagmi-memorize. "

"Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin di ka papasa."

"Oh the BAR isn't scary. It's terrifying. It might even kill you."
and the unforgettable: "Wow. Rape-able." and "Stand up Miss ___ so that I might see the contours of your body."

alternately encouraging and disheartening ang drama nitong prof na'to.

Ito naman from our Prof. Ancient:
"Mga engineers? Nako. Bihira pumapasa sa BAR."

"UP ka nag-undergrad? Bright ka ba?"

"Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib eh. Pagpasok nila sa lawschool, hindi sila disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits na meron yang mga batang yan. Some of them look like they eat kamote thrice a day, pero ang utak, di ututin!" (ewan ko kung matutuwa ako dito o hindi)

sabi ng aming dean who is 80 yrs old,
"class your laughing now, but i will predecease you all"

prof: O, meron na bang nakapunta sa inyong XXX
class: (tahimik)
prof: (medyo nadisappoint) Ano?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral na lang kayo ng aral, ha? Wala na kayong napupuntahan kakaaral niyo!

same prof: Nakita niyo na ba ang Hoover dam?
class: (tahimik uli)
prof: Hehehehe, ang yabang ko talaga!

Second day of classes
Same Prof: (kinuha ang box ng colored chalks) Ano ba naman ito... (tapos iniitsa sa lamesa yung mga dark colored chalks)
class: (tahimik na nagmamasid)
Prof: Class, sulatan niyo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito, at sabihing tanggalin na ang mga walang kwentang kulay na ito... brown, green, violet. hindi makikita ito sa board. Convince them
class: (tahimik at gulat)
Prof: and .25 incentive sa final grade niyo!

terror prof after an exam (last day na din ng class..): ok class.. see you next sem!

"Ateneo is not a university, it's a diploma mill. Bakit ba nakangiti pa mga estudyante dyan kapag lalabas sila ng gate nila, hindi ba nila nalalaman ang nami-miss nila sa edukasyon?"

"The more wisdom you obtain, the more you shut your mouth. This is because the more that you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth, the true mark of a wise man is humility"
--Paraphrased galing kay PI100. Puta best prof sa CAL.

"IE? Di naman engineering yun e"
-Thesis adviser

Classmate: Ma'am, pwede po bang next week na kami mag report?
Ma'am: Alam mo, God is good. And I am God. So yes, pwede next week.

galing kay sir U eliserio during creative writing class...
"try everything once except incest"

and one day pumasok ng room, galit na galit. hinagis ang bag sa table, nagwawala sa harap ng room dahil hindi daw nasagot ng previous class niya ang question niya. kaya dapat daw masagot namin, ang makasagot may plus points. kapag walang makasagot, lagot kami.
ang tanong.... "class, sinong lalaking artista dun sa TV show na wonder years"?

"Mamatay na mangopya..."
saka
"Ang hindi maka-100, bobo!".

"im gay. so gay i could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body"
-jean navera, spcm1

FIRST DAY OF CLASSES: "Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan niyo na agad. Walang pupuntahan yan. Hindi kayo magkaka-intindihan. Tapos yung mga anak niyo, magiging bobo. Gusto niyo ba yun?"

ANOTHER PROF: "Hoy girls, wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend dito sa UP. Pare-parehas tayong mahirap dito. Kumuha kayo ng mayaman. 80% of the child's intelligence comes from the Mother naman eh. Kayo guys, wag kayo kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo anak niyo."

"Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo de Manila University is not... a university."

STUDENT: Sir, pwede po magpa-sit in yung friends ko?
PROF: From what school are they?
STUDENT: St. Scho po.
PROF: "Go ahead. So they'll realize what they're missing. St. Scho, St. Scho... eskwelahan na ba yun sa inyo?!"

sa PHILO:
"I THINK THEREFORE I AM FROM UP!"

"Class, kaya mahal ang bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante dun. Dyuskoh, I used to teach there... at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students yung sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga kakaulit ng lessons! Wag na lang! Dito na ko sa UP, at least nagkakaintindihan tayo. Diba?"

Dahil kami ang mga huling estudyante ni Dr. David at mahal na mahal namin siya, nag-compile kami dati ng mga quotable quotes mula sa kanya. Ito ang ilan:
"Meanings we find are the meanings we make."
"WHAT YOU LEARN IN UP IS TO GO ON AND NEVER GIVE UP. THAT IF THERE BE ONE PERSON LEFT STANDING, LET IT BE ME. LET ATENEO FALL FIRST BEFORE UP..."
"The measure of a man is how many doors he has opened to other people, especially to those he doesn't know."
"To be born is to die. In between they grow and multiply like flies. 6.2 billion people in the world. Kadiri, ano?"
"Why not life? Why call it soul? Call a spade a spade."
"Earth is the only heaven we can know."
"religion is a successful economic institution"
"Do not live long enough to be worthless."
"Domestication of the human male is one of the greatest achievement of the human race."
"I do not know many. I only know enough to teach my classes."

"We do not accept anyone here in class except for those who are members of a certain minority group. For example, gays are part of a minority group, bakla ka ba? If you admit to this class that you are gay, then I'll admit you"
-Prof "hail to the chair", to a guy student na nagpre-prerog

"kapatid ng sinungaling ang magnanakaw.
"ergo, gma's marriage to mike arroyo is null and void ab initio."
consti law class, 1st sem, AY 2005-06

"running for summa ka? mapapagod ka lang."

"Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? E ambaba ng grades n'un e!"

"Si Miriam, crush ko 'yun dati. Muntikan na maging kami, kaso nasiraan ng ulo, kaya 'yun, iba ang asawa ko."

"Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English, so when you're here in class, magsalita kayo ng English! Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako at ako ang teacher!"

Ma'am Vitriolo (2nd to the last meeting)
Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.

more of Ma'am Ilao
"Hindi mahirap makakuha ng UNO sa class ko. yung gumradweeeyt last year na Magna Cum Laude ng Biochem, uno siya sakin sa Chem 18"

Sabi ng Prof ko dahil may kaklase akong recite ng recite w/o raising her hand
"I think this is the first time i have a student w/ tourette in my class..."
Recite parin ng recite yung student
"Wow the ejaculatory comments just don't stop!"

from my socsci1 prof last sem: "Birds of the same feather FLOCK together...don' t forget the L".

"I'll strangle you, strangle you really hard, smack right in your jugular (pause ng mga 5 seconds), you do know where your jugular is?"

"Be ready with your speech because I am going to lambaste you!"
-namutla nalang yung classmate kong freshie after hearing sir navera sa spcm 1 namin

'bakit parang napakaligaya ng klase niyo? maging sad naman kayo, 5 mins.' - prof ko sa math 100.

"well of course when you sell your soul you have to make an elaborate justification to make yourself feel good."
-Sir Walden Bello, Socio 127, this sem
^grabe ang galing ni sir bello. nakakaamaze.

"ano bang natapos mo? italian 8?"

"punyetissima! " (sosyal pati mura italian!)

"look at me i'm 433 years old pero ang lakas lakas ko pa. eh kung walang gulay eh di kakain na lang ako ng damo. kung wala eh di tubig, kung wala mag-ipon na lang ako ng laway."
-Sir Tiamson, Italian 11, this sem

When you graduate, then you begin to live.
-Dr. Carmen Jimenez, Psych 118

from Prof Soresca in my spanish 1 class
Prof:"Mr. Gatbunton, why are you late?!"
Student:"Sorry Mam, galing pa ako Las Pinas."
Prof: "Ladies, don't marry somebody from Las Pinas because they have bamboo organs!!"

"there are only two countries who still use Fahrenheit.. the United States of America and Liberia... a pathetic country in africa"
--Sir Argete

Marx is more Christian than Christ and Christ is more Marxist than Marx. - Sir Lanuza.

May kaklase ako, may jowang taga Ateneo
"Ateneo? How could you love someone from the Ateneo? "

sa geol11, ayaw mag-recite ng mga classmates ko..
sabi ni ma'am cathy
"wag na mahiya, you have nothing to lose but your face.."

si sir agapito..habang 2nd exam at malakas ang ulan..
"ang lakas ng ulan, ayos yan at least hindi halata pag umiiyak.."

Class: Sir, sa exams po ba nagbibigay kayo ng partial points?
Prof: Hmm, if I see partial wisdom.

"It's okay to smoke inside my class. As long as you don't breathe it out." -Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity

"Oh, this is good. It's poetic because it's perfectly stupid." - Ricardo de Ungria last week on my classmate's work.

Prof: Did I remind the class last meeting that we're going to have an exam today?
Class: (dead air)
Prof: Ok, it seems I forgot to remind the class that we're going to have an exam today. I'm giving you five minutes then to buy a bluebook. We're going to have an exam today.

sir tiamson (span 11)
"ayan, di ka makasagot. yung bakal sa ngipin mo naapektuhan na yung pagsasalita mo"

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Don't forget the sarcasm.. the endless sarcasm